How We See Ourselves

Adolescence is a time when young people ask the “what ifs”, begin to establish their belief system, and wonder what others think of them. And yes, it seems as though young people have a lot to think about and wrestle with the thought of “who am I” and “what do I stand for” however young people represent new thoughts, new ideas, and a new generation ready to take on the world.

What does Adolescence look like?

We sometimes act as though we are on stage and everyone is watching. So we may primp in front of the mirror, want the brand name clothes and shoes, and want the latest haircuts/hairstyles…

• Translation: Teens demonstrate a heightened level of self-consciousness. Teens tend to believe that everyone is as concerned with their thoughts and behaviors as they are. This leads teens to believe that they have an “imaginary audience” of people who are always watching them.

At times we think our parent(s)/adults just don’t understand our realities and can’t relate to the things we are going through. Sometimes adults think we can be “overly dramatic when faced with challenges”. We may say … “They just don’t get it”, “You’ll never understand”, or “You don’t know”

• Translation: Teens tend to believe that no one else has ever experienced similar feelings and emotions. They may become overly dramatic in describing things that are upsetting to them.

• Translation: - Teens tend to exhibit the “it can’t happen to me” syndrome also known as a “personal fable.” This belief causes teens to take unnecessary risks like drinking and driving (”I won’t crash this car”), having unprotected sex (I can’t possibly get pregnant), or smoking (I can’t possibly get cancer”).

• Translation: - Teens tend to become very cause-oriented. Their activism is related to the ability to think about abstract concepts. After reading about cruelty to animals a teen may become a vegetarian and a member of “People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals” (P.E.T.A.).

• Translation: - Teens tend to exhibit a “justice” orientation. They are quick to point out inconsistencies between adults’ words and their actions. They have difficulty seeing shades of gray. They see little room for error.

• Get the advice of an older sibling or a trusting adult (teacher, relative, counselor)
• Think through your actions and look at long term consequences before acting
• If you want to take a risk make sure it doesn’t have lifetime consequences. Participate in extreme sports, rock climbing, or parachuting
• Get involved in your community to voice your opinions.

• Explore extracurricular activities at school to find things that you like to do (join the basketball team, become a member of afterschool club, etc)
• Ask for advice about issues that you are concerned from a parent or adult mentor. You’ll be surprised they were once young too and can provide some good advice.
• Look into the future. Don’t be afraid to explore different career paths. Look for summer internships, visit colleges over the summer, and visit local businesses that you might be interested. You will be surprised how much adults want to help you find your way.

We are invincible, we take chances, and nothing can happen…

Let us fight for what we believe in…

Fair is fair…

Getting through this time…

Reference: Family and Child Development — Adolescent Growth and Development

You Do You

The teenage years in a quest for young people to establish their own identity, have autonomy, have relationships, be comfortable with themselves, and achieve things on their own sometimes are their actions can be translated as rebellion but actual they are just trying be themselves…

“Sometimes we would rather hang with our friends than our family” - Teens begin to spend more time with their friends than their families. It is within friendship groups that teens can develop and practice social skills. Teens are quick to point out to each other which behaviors are acceptable and which are not. It is important to remember that even though teens are spending increased amounts of time with their friends, they still tend to conform to parental ideals when it comes to decisions about values, education, and long-term plans.

“Sex??” - Teens may have more questions about sexuality. They may ask about adults’ values and beliefs. They may ask how you knew it was time to have sex or why you waited.

“Today, I feel…” - Teens may begin to keep a journal. Part of achieving identity is thinking about one’s thoughts and feelings. Teens often begin journaling as a way of working through how they feel.

“Sometimes I just need privacy…” - When they are in their rooms, teens may begin to lock their bedroom doors. Locking doors is a way to establish privacy. As long as teens continue to interact with the family, locked doors are usually nothing to worry about.

“I contain multitudes…” - Teens may become involved in multiple hobbies or clubs. In an attempt to find out what they are good at, teens may try many activities. Teens’ interests also change quickly. Today they are into yoga, and tomorrow they are into soccer.

“This is my crew” - Teens may become elusive about where they are going or with whom. When asked what they’ll be doing for the evening, teens typically reply with “nothing” or “hanging out.” When asked whom they’ll be with, teens reply, “just some friends.”

“They never understand” - Teens may become more argumentative. Teens may question adults’ values and judgments. When teens don’t get their way, they may say, “you just don’t understand.”

“Could you drop me off about a block away?” - Teens may not want to be seen with parents in public. They may make parents drop them off a block from their friends’ houses or from school.

“Can we talk?” - Teens may begin to interact with parents as people. Even though they may not want to be seen with parents in public, teens may begin to view parents more as people. They may ask more questions about how a parent was when he or she was a teen. They may attempt to interact with adults more as equals.

Tips for getting through this time period:

Reference: Family and Child Development — Adolescent Growth and Development